Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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