i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
