Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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