so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
