census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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