Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
