pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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