where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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