you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
