I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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