Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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