that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
