is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
