i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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