My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
