I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
