we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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