I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
