the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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