Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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