I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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