Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
