Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
