so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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