you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
