I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
