I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
