do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
