textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
