Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
