I hate all girls vehemently.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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