So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
