sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
