Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
