Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
