I hate your face
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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