can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
