Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
