This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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