Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you would pick up someone in the library
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
