i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
