Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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