is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
