Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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