saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
