woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
