quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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