My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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