nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
