State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
