I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
