I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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