needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
