Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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