at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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