i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
