She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my shit smells like andre
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
