i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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