Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
