he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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