his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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