wat bout pragnant strippers??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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