If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
