so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize