why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
