I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
