I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
