it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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