apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
