I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
