Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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