dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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