so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
