the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize