you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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