I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
