So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize