All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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