i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
