I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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