Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
