Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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