So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you didnt know i had herpes?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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