Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
