im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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