I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
