a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
