Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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