genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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