I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
