Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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