I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize