Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my being single is dangerous.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
