why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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