I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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