come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
