i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
