just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
