It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
