She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
