We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
