im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
