She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
