Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
