I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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