Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
