And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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