hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
