he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
