I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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