You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
