He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize